No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
