I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
