True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
