I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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