first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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