Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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