i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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