Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
