Who wears a wallet chain?!
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
