Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
