At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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