What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
