This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
