I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
