Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
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It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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