Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
