i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
