my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He shit in the fireplace
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