cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
