You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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