There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Randomize
