call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
splinters make it hard to masturbate
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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