so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
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