I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
