I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
this beer tastes like vomit already
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize