I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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