i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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