Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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