I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
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He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
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Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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