So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
