Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Randomize
