Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
i believe in u and ur pee
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize