Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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