I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
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