they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
