You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Randomize
