I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
