She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
