this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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