Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
