I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
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Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
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It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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