peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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