i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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