Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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