nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
