Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
