A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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