just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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