If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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