we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
