what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
