I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
