Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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