I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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