Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
honey bunches of taint.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
