omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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