At least make sure they are 18
Why
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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