I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
