God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
