I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
nutella sex= disaster
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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