I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Randomize