I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
