if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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