You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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