I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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