Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
