I wanna bring you to show and tell
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
