I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
