one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
