I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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