Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
