Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
