omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
