i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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