It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
